I Am No Man: The Video Highlights

Last month, I wrote and performed my first one-gender-non-conformist show, I Am No Man, as part of the Home Theater Festival. The show, while rooted in my very personal stories about identity and sexuality, is a commentary on our culture (the horror of reality TV, the rampant but subtle sexism that still exists) told through humor. I am hoping to perform this show at Fringe festivals across Canada next year, and in the meantime I will be working my way into the comedy club scene. I'm sure that between now and then the show will evolve, but here is a glimpse at how it was the first night it was ever performed... Thanks for taking the time to watch and listen! For additional clips, please check out (and subscribe to) my youtube channel: www.youtube.com/trannawintour

Our Truest Desires

The Wicked Witch of the West/The First Time I Wore a Dress/The Power of Fashion

Loreena McKennit Is Not Sex Music!

Are You A Girl?/My Social Experiment

Honoring the Muses/Things Mariah Carey Taught Me

Andre Leon Talley

I've just finished reading Andre Leon Talley's memoir, A.L.T., and it has left me with the following questions (which I pose without judgement, just curiosity):

- Has Andre Leon Talley ever had sex? (In the book he describes the most erotic moment of his life being the time he powdered the back of his high school's prom queen, with whom he was very close.)

- Is Andre Leon Talley openly gay? (This book was written in 2003, and although Andre does talk about being "different," he never once talks about being gay. I tried to find the answer to this question and found out that Andre was on Out magazine's 2007 list of the 50 most powerful homosexuals. I would assume they wouldn't put his name on the list if he wasn't out, but is it possible that Andre has never really come out? And that we just assume he's out because of his flamboyance? Having read the book, which sees Andre wax poetic--at great length--about the luxury of ironed sheets, I think it's safe to assume he's not straight. But I don't think he's ever acted on his homosexual urges--I don't know what the fuck else to call it. Does Andre even have sexual urges? I feel like the messiness of sex is incompatible with his love for beauty. I definitely get an asexual vibe from him.)

- Did Andre really have a three hour conversation with Diana Vreeland about "espadrilles?" 

- Has Andre ever told the story about the boy who masturbated in front of him and fellow boy scouts to Anna Wintour?

Overall, the book was an enjoyable read. I feel like Andre spends way too much time in the beginning talking about his early life in the south, his grandmother and the things he admired and learned from her. His grandmother was the most important woman in his life--the person who raised him. The way he has honored her in this book is beautiful and moving, but the stories and descriptions that make up the first half of the book are largely redundant. Of course, as readers, we want to know how Andre made his way to the top of the fashion world. The chapters about his struggles in New York City, when he first arrived there, are the most interesting. But you won't find any of the juicy details you'd want to read about. At least the book is more interesting than Grace Coddington's memoir. Andre is an engaging writer and a talented story teller--if only he had spent more time sharing the stories he knows we want to hear.

Lip Service: Chaos to Couture

In the latest edition of LipService, Jeremie and I are talking the 2013 Met Gala and everything that entails. This is the most brutal and hilarious commentary you'll hear--no one's feelings have been spared.

Bette Midler in I'll Eat You Last

It's been exactly one week since I saw Bette Midler on stage at the Booth Theater, in the new Broadway play, I'll Eat You Last, and I am still basking in the glory of that experience. When I think about Bette Midler's performance last Friday night, the words surreal, sublime, super-fucking-good quickly come to mind, but they do not even begin to convey the magic--the divinity!--of seeing Bette Midler live on stage.

Watching the audience before the show began was a spectacle in its own right. I've never seen so many botched face lifts in one room (actually, there might have been more at Barbra Streisand's Brooklyn show last year). But the Booth Theater audience was fabulous: a New York mix of A-list celebrities (Sarah Jessica Parker), filthy-rich-looking socialites, many of whom belong to the aforementioned botched surgery club, the faithful gays, both young and old, and of course, their fag hags. There was even an Anna Wintour lookalike (and I'm not talking about myself). When the curtain rose and revealed a glowing Bette, lounging on a sofa in full Sue Mengers getup--a sky blue kaftan, tinted glasses and a blond wig--the crowd went wild in a way that they only do for true legends. There was a palpable sense of excitement in the air and a sense of appreciation, of gratitude for being lucky enough to be present at what is destined to be one of Broadway's greatest performances. Seriously, how much better can life get than being in New York City, at the Booth Theater, watching Bette Midler in a one woman show?

Early in the show, Sue compares herself to the blue caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland  and that's the exact setup of the whole show: Sue lounging, smoking and drinking, telling stories. For 90 minutes, Bette as Sue did not get up from that sofa. And yet, despite the total lack of action, there was movement... The movement came from the way each story wove into the next, from Bette's posture and the way she shifted her body on the sofa; from the set's afternoon lighting as it slowly turned into evening, and of course from the rhythm of Bette's impeccable, flawless comedic timing. Bette's over-the-top acting style was made for the stage. What a shame it is that theater isn't something she's done more of in her career, though the rarity of this kind of performance makes it all the more special...

My favorite stories of the night were the ones Sue told about Barbra Streisand. The play is set in 1981, a few weeks after Sue has been fired by Barbra's team. Sue and Barbra were very close--Streisand was even the maid of honor at Sue's wedding--but Sue hasn't heard from Babs personally regarding her firing. Sue is clearly hurt by this, but the hurt is hidden behind her rage. She is pissed! She has the phone right by her side, and she is waiting for Barbra's call, waiting to unleash. In a hilarious moment of uncontrolable fury, she yells at the phone: "Call me, you cunt!" Hearing Bette Midler (even though it's said as Sue) call Barbra Streisand a cunt was fucking brilliant. Divine!

It was a clever move on the writer's part to set up the phone as the show's antagonist. The phone was responsible for Sue's incredible success--she used it better than anyone, making deals that made the careers of Hollywood's biggest stars. But the phone is also representative of Sue's downfall. At the time the play takes place, the phone's ring usually signals the departure of yet another client who's decided to seek new representation. Sue's old-time charm and schemes don't work in the 80s the way they did in the 70s. She can't compete with CAA, the new, juggernaut agency that's stealing away all her clients. But the play isn't just about the ways Hollywood would change in the 80s... it's about going for it, whatever 'it' may be for each of us. As a child, when Sue came to the US from Germany, she didn't know a word of English. She eventually learned and trained herself to lose the accent, and from there no one could stop her. She was relentless in making her dreams come true and she succeeded. Most importantly, she had fun in the process.

Bette does a beautiful job of bringing the late Sue Mengers back to life, but she doesn't completely disappear in the role; it's hard not to see Bette on stage, but I think that's a good thing. The feisty, fiery, and frequently nasty Sue Mengers totally evokes the equally sassy stage persona of Bette Midler. So while I'll Eat You Last allows the audience to discover a fascinating woman most of us had never heard of before, it also satisfies our insatiable desire for the Divine Miss M, who is as divine as ever.

Bette Midler outside the stage door, sadly she didn't stay very long and never came over to our side...

LipService: Performing Arts

In the latest edition of LipService, Jeremie and I are talking about our latest live performances, comedy, comedians--Kathy Griffin, Sandra Bernhard, Louis CK (I seriously do not get his appeal)--and the art of live performance.

...on the cover of a magazine

Bette Midler for Vanity Fair, December 1987.
Photo by Herb Ritts, Styled by Andre Leon Talley

Showgirls! The Musical! A Review!

It all started with a tweet... A few weeks ago I tweeted about my unashamed and undying love for the movie Showgirls, and an account called @showgirlmusical tweeted me back saying they'd give me a free can of Doggie Chow if I came to see their show. I couldn't believe what I was reading...  Showgirls? A musical?! Free Doggie Chow!? My nipples were instantly hard.
Walking into the dark, dank Kraine Theater on Saturday night, I had no idea what to expect. To call the set minimal would be an understatement... it consisted of a single stripper pole and black revolving panels at the back of the stage adorned with hand-made posters, which were used to indicate where any given scene was taking place (I particularly loved the one they made for the Versace store). Looking around, you couldn't be faulted for wondering if the creative team behind the project could pull off recreating the cult institution that is Showgirls, but I can tell you, without even the slightest exaggeration, that the show is fucking brilliant, darlin'. The incredible talents of the cast, and the imagination of the writers/directors, made this tranny-on-a-budget affair feel like a huge, larger-than-life, sparkly Broadway production... with lots of tits and spandex, naturally.
I could tell by watching the show, that the writers shared the same love for Showgirls that I, and all the film's most devoted lovers, do. They get the essence of the film, the small details that make it so hilarious. Much of the dialogue was lifted straight from the film, highlighting the awful brilliance of the original screenplay. All of the moments from the film that kill me the most were represented in the show: the lap dance Nomi gives Kyle MacLachlan while Cristal watches, the Doggie Chow conversation, Nomi's mispronunciation of Versace (Versayce), Nomi and Cristal's fingernail fetish. (Thankfully the film's brutal rape scene was left out, though I remain morbidly curious about how this creative team would have tackled it.) And best of all, to my heart's unbridled content, these moments were turned into some of the most fabulous musical numbers I've ever seen. The lyrics to the songs were sharp, clever and laugh-til-you-pee hilarious. My favorite song was written around a play on words between "know me" and "Nomi."
Above and beyond the songs, it was the cast that made this show the memorable production that it is. Rori Nogee knows Cristal Conners inside out--she got every nuance and mannerism down! I was blown away. Marcus Desion was hysterical as Molly. No one has ever made sleazy as hilarious as John E. Elliott did playing the roles of Kyle MacLachlan and Tony; and Philip McLeod is just so adorable, a natural comedic talent. I think the cast will agree that it's April Kidwell as Nomi "It's Italian" Malone who made the show. You need to write that name down. April Kidwell. She is going to be a huge star. Her performance as Nomi is one of the greatest comedic performances I have ever seen. Her Nomi is frenetic, hyperbolic and even more explosive and unstable than the original. She is the real Nomi. Who the fuck is Elizabeth Berkley? From now on, whenever I watch Showgirls I'll be wishing I were watching April Kidwell. In fact, now that I've seen the musical, I don't know if the movie will ever bring me the same joy it once did. I believe the musical has surpassed the film's flawless awfulness. And that's sad because this show is only running for a very limited time. Make sure to check out their website, showgirls-themusical.com, for all the showtimes. Don't you fucking miss it!
  

Star Gazing at Sarah Jessica Parker

She walked into the theater like she was walking onto a yacht. Okay, maybe not quite, but Sarah Jessica Parker walked with a palpable air of self-importance as she took her seat in the Booth theater, Friday night, to see Bette Midler in the new Broadway play, I'll Eat You Last. I should mention that her seat was one row in front of me, and I had the most perfect, overwhelming view of her profile. She looked radiant and possessed that je ne sais quoi that all A-list celebrities exude--it's definitely rooted in how impossibly clean and polished they appear. Her dark-brown-with-caramel-highlights-colored hair was tied back in a perky, high bun that gave her an extra three inches of height. She wore an iridescent, peacock green jacket, tight white capri pants, with black wedge sandals and her date for the evening was Andy Cohen.

In the play, Bette Midler plays Hollywood agent, Sue Mengers. Sue always referred to the movie stars she loved so much as "twinklies." To Sue, if you weren't a twinkly, you didn't matter and you definitely didn't get invited to her legendary dinner parties. To watch the play with a twinkly just one row in front of me, especially one who I grew up watching, added a little extra dazzle to what was already (and assuredly) going to be a magical night... and it was.

I was completely transfixed by SJP's presence and couldn't look away. I was a helpless victim to the powerful pull of celebrity, until the show started, of course, and then all eyes were on Bette. (Midler > Parker) During the performance, I couldn't help but glance over at SJP and observe her reaction to the show. Watching SJP watch Bette was a show all on its own. The most surreal part of sitting near SJP was hearing her laugh, that distinct, throaty laugh we've all heard for years through Carrie Bradshaw. And in case you were wondering, Sarah Jessica Parker does not look like a horse, but she does chew her gum like one. Throughout the entire show, she was smacking that gum like no one's business. That is until she pulled out a Kit-Kat bar from her purse and ate one stick very delicately. Was it her supper? And did she stick her gum underneath her seat?

At the end of the show, I wanted so badly to go up and say "hi" to SJP, but I was sitting in a row with older ladies, and there was no way for me to escape. SJP was heading up the aisle... in just one second she would be out of my life forever! Without much thought or tact, I yelled: "Sarah Jessica! I love you! I love you so much!" She smiled and waved and I honestly couldn't give less of a shit if she was embarrassed. When you find yourself in a moment like that, you have to make it count.

But here is the funniest/most ironic part of the night: while SJP's presence provoked excitement, awe and major heart palpitations in me... while I made an ass of myself trying to get her attention at the end of the show, the woman sitting right next to Sarah Jessica had, quite obviously, no idea who the hell she was.

 (SJP and date, Andy Cohen, leaving through the stage door after a post-show visit with Bette)

Stay tuned for my review of the actual show. Bette Midler was divine!

I Am No Man Pictures

Last night was the debut performance of my first one-gender-non-conformist show, I Am No Man. The experience of performing last night was one of the most magical and powerful of my life. The night wasn't without a few technical mishaps... (let's keep in mind this was a tranny-on-a-budget operation) but it was real. It's hard for me to not think about the little mistakes I made and some of the things I wanted to say but forgot. We are always our harshest critic, but last night really was a dream come true. I am so so lucky and thankful to be surrounded by such loving, gorgeous, supportive people. And I am so ready for more. I'm dying to get back up on stage. Last night felt like the first step in what I know will be an incredible adventure and I can't wait for what lies ahead... I will be posting some video highlights from the show soon, so stay tuned!

I Am No Man

I've been so neglectful of this blog lately, and while I apologize, it's been for a good cause. For the past few weeks, I've been putting together my first one-gender-non-conformist show, I Am No Man. A few months ago I heard about The Home Theater Festival and totally fell in love with its brilliant, powerful manifesto, which I strongly urge you to read.

Since I was a child I've been performing, though 99% of these performances were done alone in my bedroom. I am a performer by nature and for too many years I ignored that fundamental truth about myself--surely for fear of judgement, for feeling not good enough, but analyzing why I chose to ignore my nature is of no importance now. I don't think we can ever escape our purpose, our true calling. Through a series of incredible events in the past couple of years, I have reconnected with my inner performance animal and that bitch is ready to be unleashed.

I Am No Man feels like something I've been unconsciously working towards my whole life. While writing the show, I could feel the sensation of knowing that at this moment in time, I am exactly where I'm meant to be and doing what I'm meant to do. I don't know if that makes any sense; what I'm trying to describe is difficult to articulate. I had no idea that this show would come to mean so much to me. When I signed myself up for the Home Theater Festival, all I had was a title and a vague idea of the things I wanted to talk about. The writing process took on a frantic life of its own--ideas and thoughts, things I've wanted to articulate for years but never could, came pouring out of me. I feel a strong urge to make a comparison to things pouring out of Madonna's loose vagina, but I shall refrain.

I Am No Man is many things: it's music, autobiography, comedy, tragedy. It is fashion and it is political, though probably not in the way you'd imagine. It's a tribute to my greatest muses, from the Wicked Witch of the West to Liza Minnelli; from Madonna to my ninth grade English teacher, Mrs. Martella, to whom the show is dedicated. But while my show is many things, it is most importantly a celebration of all that is female, because all that is female has been degraded and beaten down by our culture for way too long and it has had monumental, devastating effects, on both global and personal levels.

I will be performing my show at a friend's apartment to a select group of friends and other artists on April 20th. I am honored that people actually want to hear what I have to say--and of course I am also terrified! The show will definitely be recorded in some capacity, so stay tuned.

Thanks for reading,
Tranna xo

New Shoes and a New Blog

As most of you know, I am a self-proclaimed tranny on a budget. I adore fashion and think it should be accessible to everyone. As much as I love reading fashion magazines like Vogue and W, I cannot afford anything in those glossy pages--not even a fucking scarf. Most of us can't. But don't be discouraged--it doesn't take a lot of money to look fabulous and to build a stunning, cutting-edge wardrobe. A $20 bill and an imagination can take you a lot farther than you think. In addition to the blog you're reading right now, I've decided to start a second blog, called 'The Tranny On A Budget,' to showcase the amazing things I've found on the cheap. Fashion is ultimately all about attitude, how you wear something is way more important than what you're wearing. I hope this new blog inspires you to experiment and to play with fashion and to take your personal style to a new level of tranny-on-a-budget fabulousness.

The Best Movies of the 90s

In the fourth edition of LipService, Jeremie and I are discussing our top 10 movies of the 90s. Paris is Burning, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, Dazed and Confused, Muriel's Wedding are just a few of the fabulous movies on our lists--what made number one? We're also talking social media, Tilda Swinton at MoMA and the experience of meeting our idols. Enjoy!

Tina Turner & Vogue

It is finally in my hands: Tina Turner's German Vogue cover! Unfortunately the only German I know is keine kleinen Schwänze (no small dicks), so I can't read anything that Tina actually says in the interview but that's okay. Vogue has given us 14 glorious pages of Tina, whose incredible fabulousness and beauty are beyond words anyway. 

Amanda Lear: My New Obsession

I've known about Amanda Lear for a couple of years now, but it was only upon reading her interview with Ponystep magazine a few days ago that I started to love her. She was a model in the sixties, she was Salvador Dali's muse and lover, she was engaged to David Bowie, she was a disco queen in the late 70s, and since then she's been a television personality, writer, painter and a very successful theater actress. But it's her personality and story that intrigues me most. She is vampy, pompous, witty and it is strongly rumored that she was born male. Her real birth date remains unknown, and whether or not she was born a boy will probably remain a mystery as well--it's all very Patsy Stone. Here are some of the highlights from the Ponystep interview, though I highly recommend you read it all--it's one of the most fascinating interviews I've read in awhile.

"I was having an affair with a beautiful Italian actor then. We stayed together about 8 or 9 years. He was very good looking and he betrayed me with a weather girl. Weather girls are such sluts! (laughs). I dumped him straight away. He came begging for forgiveness and to lick my feet, saying, “Please, please” but I said, “No, that’s it”. I never forgive."

On the state of today's entertainers: "Bring back mystery! Bring back charisma! Soon they will rediscover Marlene Dietrich, they will discover that this 60-year-old woman was incredibly sexy. They will slowly rediscover this type of singer because we’ve gone too far in all the Folies Bergère." 

"The sixties were very exciting, because first of all there was no terrorism, there was no AIDS, there was no planet going to pieces. I mean, today we live in a world of fear. We cannot touch anything because we’ll get infected, you cannot talk to anybody because it’s not politically correct. I mean, God, it’s so fucking boring. I think that the sixties were a wonderful time. But when I say that, I sound like an old bat, reminiscing about the good old days…"

"I really enjoy being alone and my friends ask if I get lonely because it’s a great big house. But I never do. I paint, I call my friends, I go through all kinds of TV channels. You cannot be bored if you are creative."

"I tried marriage, I tried the long engagement, I tried the steady boyfriend. You fall in love and after three or four years you’re not so much in love anymore. I think my next companion will probably be gay. There will be no sex involved and that I think will be the secret to have a real steady relationship. We’ll travel together, we’ll go to see theatres, movies, concerts, but we won’t fuck together. Because I mean when you start fucking around with somebody, you only see his body, his sex and that does not last. No way. That cannot last. I seem very negative about this, but it’s a fact. It’s a scientific fact that sexual attraction, passion, lasts three years. After three years and a day, ppfft. Piss off!"

You can read the full interview here: http://ponystep.com/features/the-original-queen-of-reinvention/

And make sure to check out some of Amanda's fabulous videos on youtube.

Out of Focus

Being analytic, goal-driven and linear are not inherently bad qualities, in the right doses they can be useful and they are the qualities our society associates with successful people (of course the only success our society recognizes is material). But possessing solely those qualities can close you off from the beauty and magic that can happen by accident... the art of the spontaneous. Sometimes when you're not asking questions and over-analyzing, when you just live your life with the simple aim of being happy, you find the answers to questions you would never have even thought to ask. Often those answers--though they might not be the ones you wanted or expected--are the truest, the ones that bring everything into focus... that make everything clear. Let this spring be about venturing into the unknown... allow yourself to enjoy the larger, mysterious parts of life that cannot be rigidly defined, those parts that are always a little out of focus.

Madonna Madonna Madonna

Things are quiet on the Madonna front right now... I imagine she is in a dark, isolated room in her castle, hatching her new project. As we wait, Jeremie and I decided to devote the third edition of our podcast, LipService, to the queen of pop. No matter what happens in pop culture, no matter which artist is dominating the charts, we always come back to Madonna.

The 15h Anniversary of Madonna's Ray of Light

On March 3rd, 1998 Madonna released her seminal masterpiece, Ray of Light. In a career made up of countless reinventions, Ray of Light remains Madonna's most radical reinvention of them all. Visually, thematically and sonically, Ray of Light was more than just a transformation, it was a total rebirth. There is a clear, continuous evolution from the sight and sound of Like a Virgin through to True Blue and to Like a Prayer; from "Vogue" to Erotica and to Bedtime Stories, but Ray of Light stands on its own, completely separate and independent from the body of Madonna's work--a bright beam of inspiration and brilliance that eclipsed everything that came before (and remains unmatched by everything that has followed). It truly was a new Madonna, unrecognizable from the Madonna of the past. The stunning, ethereal photos taken for the album by Mario Testino have nothing in common with the thousands of images of Madonna that came before. They showed an organic, natural Madonna that we never knew existed. Even her voice was different, undoubtedly due to the intense vocal training required for Evita--it was softer, more subtle and nuanced. And there's the music, of course. Madonna became invested in her music in a way she never had before: for the first time in her career, she allowed the music to be the star of the Madonna show. There was no need for scandal or shock. The music on Ray of Light was so innovative and mature, even her biggest detractors could not ignore the importance of the album. Thanks to the album's genius producer, William Orbit, a musical wizard, Ray of Light ushered underground electronica into the mainstream. So much of what came after, especially today's burgeoning EDM scene, is rooted in Ray of Light, its wild success and the way it changed the face of popular music forever. In many ways the Madonna we see before us, 15 years after Ray of Light, has much more in common with the Madonna of the 80s and early 90s. If her latest album, MDNA, is anything to go by, the brand seems to matter more than music. But Ray of Light showed us that behind the ego-mania, behind the fame, the scandals, behind the billion-dollar brand, there beats the heart of a real artist. And even though that was only shown to us for a brief, impressive instant, I have faith that the artist who made Ray of Light will re-emerge.

...for inspiration: Liza

When I saw this picture I fell to the floor and had to revive myself. Liza is so perfect it hurts... she is the epitome of cutting-edge glamour. This picture is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.